Help for the Suddenly Singles

I’ve just a whiz round my favourite blogs.  See links on the right>>>>

Here some of us, are not necessarily floundering round in our single state, but are in need of companionship, company and someone to do things with.  Some of us SSs are launching ourselves onto the Internet Dating scene with varying results (I won’t suggest success as I don’t think any of us have achieved what we are looking for).

What we need is help and guidance!!  How to get the best for ourselves from whichever routes we have chosen.

One of my blogging friends feels she doesn’t want another serious relationship as she’s made 2 bad choices in her life already.  That’s her choice and I totally respect it.  But wouldn’t it be great for her if she discovered in herself what it is that either attracts her to the ‘wrong choices’ or makes the ‘wrong choices’ head for her.  So she is then totally free to have all the choices the world can offer!

For me it seems I have an amazing ability to attract weak men!  OK I’ve now learned to keep a weather eye out for them.  But am I putting strong men off?  And if so what am I doing or portraying  – or hiding – which is stopping strong men wanting to sweep me off my feet and care for me the way I want to be cared for and protected!  Because, yes I’m scared of getting it wrong again.

A lot of us are finding our feet again.  We are understandably finding this rather un-nerving and are feeling a bit wary.  We are bruised. We don’t want to be hurt again.  We need to trust ourselves not to be.

Whether we just want someone to be a companion to go to the theatre with, the occasional dinner out, or whether we are looking for a long-term commitment, the problem is the same.  How do we ensure we’ll be safe and attract the right sort of person?  Are there things we should be doing and asking ourselves to make sure we make the right choices?  And that the right choices make a bee line for us!

So come on gurus out there.  Give us some guidance and assistance!!!

(I feel this could be a good subject for a blog post from SH – I just might email him and suggest it!)

Today is a day NOT to think

I woke with a headache to beat all headaches!  It seemed to consume my entire body.  Even my feet hurt.  I wanted someone to massage the pain away.  So I called in sick and avoided  writing myself off by setting off to work.  I went back to bed and I slept!

It’s now midday and I am curled up in bed contemplating how I feel – which is rather washed out.

So today is not a day to think!  Difficult that!!  But maybe what I mean is not to make decisions on what I’m thinking as today is the sort of day when it would be lovely to be looked after and cossetted and that clearly is not going to happen!!

Today is a day where the Why questions loom large.

Today is a day when looking forward seems rather too daunting and looking back too easy.

Today needs to be a day when I just am and all I should be doing is allowing me some time for myself.

Perhaps that’s what today is for.

If you’ve never been taught to give

I think one of the issues my mother-in-law had was she never allowed people to give to her.

She appeared to dislike affection.  She pushed people away.  Yes she ‘did her duty’ but she always had to justify any act of generosity or giving towards her.

Maybe that explains why Alex and his siblings don’t know how to really give. They never learnt.  They were never allowed the opportunity to develop this.

The joy and act of giving is immense.  Incredibly satisfying and amazing.  And I don’t mean giving in a material sense. I mean giving as in giving love, affection, time.  The act of just being in the moment and enjoying the experience without justification.

I think this is why I find the collapse  and waste of my marriage so frustrating.  If Alex could experience the joys of really giving and feel how amazing that is then maybe his eyes would start to open and he would see what he could have had.

We can all learn new skills.  It is never too late.

Just a thought.

So how does my new purpose fit in

Well this is how I saw it this afternoon – using the Goals list as I’ve shown under my Life Coaching pages and with my LCs guidance:

  1. What do you want to achieve and why?
    I want to achieve my idea. Why because it will be great and I will have a new purpose
  2. How will you know when you have it?
    The idea will have taken off
  3. What resources are needed?
    Skills – which I have
  4. Is the Goal Possible?
    Yes!
  5. When and where will you have the resources?
    I have a date in mind
  6. What are the advantages of making this change?
    Security.  Significance. Success
  7. What are the disadvantages of making this change?
    None!  Maybe loss of free time! Possible loss of money
  8. What will achieving this lose you?
    Nothing
  9. Which of your values will be fulfilled by achieving this outcome?
    Significance, respect, security, power, love, fun, confidence….
  10. What is important about getting this?
    Giving my life a purpose
  11. What will this outcome help you avoid experiencing?
    Focusing on Alex and my  / our past
  12. What is the benefit?
    Happiness, success and freedom

So now I have to get on and start DOING IT!!

So today really was Life Coaching!

Yes today, dear reader, I moved away from the Relationship Coaching and into Life Coaching!

Today’s session concentrated on my new idea and how I can build it into a real life changing goal.

So that’s what I’m going to do.  I am going to focus on this as this really will give me a purpose in life. Which is what I need.  And I need it big time.

And I’ll hit the big time by achieving it.

And by focusing on a purpose for my life, my brain won’t have time to focus on Alex, what he is doing and the past.  It won’t have time.  And I don’t intend to let it have time!

More to follow…….  later!!