Thank you for your support!

Writing the letter was very important for me.  Publishing it here also mattered.  It told ‘the world’ how I feel.

Thank you, dear readers, for your comments and lovely words of encouragement and support which have been wonderful and comforting – thank you so much.  And thank you for taking time to give your views and suggestions.

Actually I don’t want Alex to be hurt. That doesn’t solve the issue at all.    What I meant (and here it is so interesting how different interpretations on my letter have been seen!) was I want Alex to discover that despite changing the geography of his surroundings and the partner he now lives with that he is still not at ease and comfortable within himself.  That the pain is still there. That the solution lies within himself rather than a different human being.

And I don’t want him to discover this through being hurt.  If that happened he would still be able to abdicate and blame someone else.  And anyway I remain steadfast in my view that I wouldn’t and don’t wish on anyone what I’ve been through.

So no being hurt (by someone else) doesn’t solve anything.  The pain has to come from within. A pain that comes from a dissatisfaction that life is not the way it should be despite having done and changed all the things he has – then and only then will he actually dig deep enough to find out why and then hopefully take the steps – those very hard steps – to look at how he can break the pattern and give himself and become the stunning human being that he wants and can be.  I married a warm-hearted, gentle, kind, lovely man.   This man also has a deep unease within himself.  Someone who finds it easier to run, block out and hide from the issues he has rather than go through the very painful task of ‘sorting them out’.  He knows.  He has said so.  He has made several attempts at facing his ‘demons’ but, I think, (and of course I can only guess as I’m not him!) that he hasn’t conquered his own unique Terror Barrier yet.

I divorced someone who is lost.

The Terror Barrier

Another of Bob Proctor’s words of advice fell into my inbox this morning:

The first ten years of my life were spent in Owen Sound, Ontario. It’s a small town a few hours north of Toronto. I can vividly remember spending the summer days with my family at Harrison Park where there was a really great swimming pool. I would watch as the older kids went up the ladder to either jump or dive off the high diving board. They were having a great time. Wanting to be accepted by the older kids, I too went up the ladder … reluctantly, but I climbed it.

I will never forget the terror that gripped my mind and body when I looked down. Unfortunately, all the coaxing in the world wouldn’t have been sufficient to get me to jump off that board! There was no way I could do it. Feeling defeated, I climbed back down the ladder trying desperately to hide my embarrassment.

That was the first time in my life that I can recall coming up against the Terror Barrier. Unfortunately, not only did I lose out on the excitement and thrill that would have been gained by jumping … I also lost a little self-respect.

If you think back, you will probably be able to recall the first time you came face-to-face with the Terror Barrier. Did you step through it to freedom or back into safety, imprisoned by your own fears?

The Terror Barrier is a real entity
Now, I could waste a lot of breath telling you that the Terror Barrier is a figment as gauzy and hazy as the smoke from an extinguished campfire. But you’ll tell me differently, because fear can feel like a very real entity. What you think in your head is often acted out in your body – when faced with their Terror Barrier, people will actually break out in a cold sweat, find themselves covered in sudden hives, and even feel their hearts palpitate. Your perception is your reality! That’s how soundly your paradigms of “no” and “it can’t be done” are grounded in your Mind. Your comfortable mind will do anything it can think of to back you away from the “danger” of the unknown, just as it had me backing down those diving-board stairs.

In James Allan’s classic, “As A Man Thinketh,” he mentioned that fear can kill a person faster than a speeding bullet. While coming up against your Terror Barrier might not kill you physically, it certainly kills something inside you – like it did that day I stood on the diving board.

How to be a wrecking ball on your own Terror Barrier

1. Bulldoze through it scared. That’s right … just keep marching, no matter how badly your feet want to stay rooted to the ground. Refuse to permit this negative demon to control you, your emotions …your future.

2. Remember – the Terror Barrier rears its ugly head every time we attempt to make a major move in life into an area we have never traveled before. It’s as natural as day and night. Where before you used to let it stop you cold, now you can simply shrug and tell yourself, “Oh, there it is again. Well! This must really mean something great to me!”

3. Then, further remind yourself that it might be an unknown, but the other side of that Terror Barrier will have you that much closer to your goal. I’d encourage you to fall in love with THAT feeling of accomplishment, get wrapped up in it! I often say that if your goal doesn’t scare and excite you at the same time, you’re going after the wrong goal!

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” That is excellent advice. By following her advice you will liberate yourself from the crippling emotional state that the Terror Barrier causes.

Do it scared. Begin to visualize yourself successfully being a wrecking ball on that Terror Barrier of yours. Mentally see yourself winning. Remember, perception IS reality!

To your success,
Bob Proctor
Food for thought for me then this morning.  I know I have my own Terror Barrier. ‘Letting go’ of what I had because the future can, and sometimes does, scare me.  And curling up in a ball and doing nothing often seems so ‘comforting’ in a very non-comforting way!

But I cheat myself by doing so………….

May you, my reader, face your own Terror Barrier and wreck it today.  Or at least smash a chink in it!

As Bob Proctor says:  To your success!