Why living by my values matters

My values matter because when I don’t live by them I spiral downhill. 

The fury abated in the end last night and  – with nothing better to do – I set off down the hurt route!!!   Blimey!   That was clever and so energising and enlivening I was exhausted by 9.00pm!!

I allowed myself to really ‘enjoy’ (more heavy sarcasm here) the evening.  I ‘ran’ my ‘figure of eight’ – several times last night, and again this morning.  At least this morning I chose the positive exit rather than the negative one I went down yesterday! 

So where do my Values come into all this. Well last night I didn’t live by them.  Let me explain.

My Default list is:

Growth – what I was doing last night was in no way growth orientated
Love – I didn’t love myself
Courage – I wimped out
Communication – I didn’t listen to either ‘my best friend me’ or ‘my coach me’
Intelligence – What I did last night could in no way be described as intelligent!
Trust – I failed to trust me
Respect – I showed no respect to me and what I’ve achieved so far
Strength – Hardly!
Security – OK I felt secure in my bad place
Adventure – need I say more
Significance – yes I gave myself significance but in a ‘sorry for me’ way not in a postive way.
Making a difference – No I wasn’t doing that at all.  In fact the opposite
Happiness – I failed spectacularly to be happy or to give myself Permission to be Happy.

So, dear reader, I hope this helps to explain why living by your values is so important. Because when you do the opposite life is grim!

Finally I think I’m beginning to Get It!  (*Can almost hear Stephen breathing sigh of relief!!!*)


The sweetest form of revenge is to end up happy!!

Actually it is the only form of revenge worth having.  It doesn’t hurt anyone else and is empowering and will give me a future not just worth having but one that will be truly exciting.

So with that in mind all I need to do now is Be Happy!!!

Be happy that the bill I received from my solicitor this morning was an eye watering £1100.00 – and we haven’t reached the end yet!

Be happy that the sun is shining

Be happy that I have another 10 days off work

Be happy that I can choose what to do without consideration for anyone else.

Be happy that I am healthy.

OK – Caroline – Just Do It!

So why is it so hard??!!  ‘Cos addictions are hard to kick – that’s why!  And I need to change my addiction to be an addiction for happiness and the future!!!

A time to be kind to myself

I have come a long way in a fairly short time. When I think back to the beginning of August when I started the Coaching – I am in such a different place now.

My goal then was to get my marriage back on  track.  Fortunately Stephen pointed out how limiting that goal was and I agreed my goal should be “To be happy”.

And I have achieved that.

I am much more content with who I am – more than I have been for years.  Yes it has been hard to admit some things to myself. It has been hard to admit there were things that were wrong in my marriage.  It has been hard to admit I had not been honest with myself.

Yes it has been tough – but so so worth it.

And now I know I need to live my life to its full potential.  To grab my future  with both hands and to find the courage which has sustained me throughout the last 20 months to go this next step.  To overcome the fear I have and realise that I will get what I want. So if I make my goals small then I will only achieve small things but if I can give myself the chance to ‘reach for the sky’ then I may – just may – surprise myself.

So I am not going to give up now.  I have come this far it would be a shame just to settle for what I have now when I could have so much more.

I want to grow.

I want to be more than I am now – in a loving, kind but ambitious way.  Not in a hard tough way!  It has to be fun and I shall continue to see the funny side of life!

I want to be loved – and hopefully soon!   I really do so miss being loved – in every aspect of what  that means.  I hate sleeping on my own!    But that person – whoever he is  – will need to want me to go on being me and love watching me grow – because I don’t want to miss out on any aspects of my future.  I WANT IT ALL!!!

This is a new phase I am about to enter.  It’s scary – but then as I so often say to those who work for me  – being scared is good if all you’re scared of is failure  – it means you will strive to achieve rather than settling for 2nd best. So all I need to do is practice what I preach!

So I’m giving myself a week or so of just being kind to myself.

I have my big Thank You Party in 10 days or so for all the people who have cared for me during this time.

Then I have the final sort out of my divorce. Which will be so sad and final but has to be done.  I don’t want the person Alex has become or is at the moment.  There is no future in loving someone who doesn’t love you back.  There’s no point in inflicting any more pain on myself.

Then I will need to really focus on my future.  And I will.