So I have had two sessions of 2 hours now. And it’s good.
Things I have learnt:
My fundamental needs in a relationship are (1) to feel and be loved and (2) to feel significant.
Were these being met by Alex – If I am honest – in the last few months – No! Not as much as I needed. Reason: Alex’s fundamental needs were not being met by me so he withdrew giving me mine – result lack of growth in the relationship, boredom and a bit of a stalemate.
Now this doesn’t mean that the only solution is to go our separate ways. I need to understand his fundamental needs and he mine and then we have to learn how to meet each others – as we did when we were first together.
I have also come up with Solutions table!
Scenario | Alex | Me | Result | Mental State | |
1 | Happy Together | √ | √ | Good | Both of us in love and content and happy in our relationship. Alex not feeling guilty. Caroline happy not distraught |
2 | Happy Apart | √ | √ | Good | Alex no longer needs to feel guilty. Caroline no longer distraught. Both happy to look to their own futures. |
3 | Happy together | X | √ | Bad | Alex feels guilty and is unhappy. Feels something is missing. Although happy Caroline knows something is wrong and things could be better. |
4 | Happy together | √ | X | Bad | Caroline not getting the love she needs |
5 | Happy Apart | √ | X | Bad | Alex feeling very guilty. Caroline distraught |
6 | Happy Apart | X | √ | Bad | Alex unhappy. Caroline feels guilty at letting Alex down |
7 | Happy Together | X | X | Bad | Both feeling situation is wrong. Could be solved by working together for either (1) or (2) above. |
8 | Happy Apart | X | X | Bad | Both feeling situation is wrong Could be solved by working together for either (1) or (2) above. |